1. |
Goodbye
03:03
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Goodbye my friend
Goodbye again
I’m sorry I wasn’t there
It’s not that I didn’t care
I did
Some days you wake up and
It’s a day that a chapter ends
Some days I wake up and
I think of you my friend
I’m sorry I wasn’t there
It’s not that I didn’t care
I did
Sometimes even the sky cries
It doesn’t say it’s fine
Sometimes you need to cry
When someone you know’s
Not doing alright
Goodbye my friend
Goodbye again
I’m sorry I wasn’t there
It’s not that I didn’t care
I’m sorry it wasn’t fair
Oh god it isn’t fair
Oh god
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2. |
friends
04:04
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It’s been eighty days since I moved out here
It’s been going okay if you don’t count the fear
And I’m still getting used to bein’ on my own
And I still need maps when i drive home
And I - I miss my friends
I miss my friends
I don’t know the last time that I went outside
Must have been this morning or maybe last night
I eat a meal maybe once a day
I know that sounds bad but it’s okay
I just - I miss my friends
I miss my friends
Ooooh
I’ve been sleeping in more and more these days
I guess it must be something about this LA haze
Sometimes I just stare at my floor
I don’t really go out anymore
And I - I miss my friends
I miss my friends
I’ve been on my phone all the time lately
Missed call goes to voicemail as I scroll mindlessly
I’ve tried just using rubber bands
God none of this turned out how I planned
I just - just miss my friends
I miss my friends
Ooooh
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3. |
home
03:33
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I went back home in a dream last night
35 was as clogged as the 405
My daddy’s truck was parked in the driveway
My mama didn’t ask me to stay
The cows were in the yard chasing my brother
The hens were laughing telling me to run farther
My sister was cryin’, screamin’
I pinch myself to stop the dreamin’
Oh home, why do I want to go home
Everyone wants to have a home
And mine was -
I go to the floor of my old bathroom the only place I could be alone
I go and I sit, I sit and I wonder how
How could they have known
I go to the floor of our old bathroom
The only place you could be alone
I go and I sit I sit and I wonder how
How could I have not known
Home why do I want to go home, everyone wants to have a home
And mine was
Mine was min
Run little girl you better run for that door
You’re all grown up now these aren’t just dream anymore
Your sisters are crying asking you to stay, but you’re just standing there with nothing to say
Run little girl you better run for that door
You’re all grown up now these aren’t just dream anymore
Your sisters are crying asking you to stay, but you’re just standing there with nothing to say
Nothing to say
Nothing to say
But
I went back home in a dream last night
35 was as clogged as the 405
Our daddy’s truck was parked in the driveway
Our mama just begged us to stay
Our mama just begged us to stay
My mama just begged me to stay
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4. |
people
03:59
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You know when you’re feeling down
And you look up to see the world’s just a crowd of people
People but they don’t see you
You know when you’ve got the mean reds
but the room that you’re in is a room full of heads of people
People who don’t think of you
You know when you’re seeing grey
and it doesn’t matter what you say to people
people don't seem to hear you
You know when you’re feeling small
And it just seems like all these all these people
People they don’t need you
Who sees you
Sitting there
With your legs crossed
and your eyes looking nowhere
Somebody does and somebody cares
You know when your thoughts are loud
but the people you’re with
they’re just they’re just strangers
strangers they don’t know you
they don’t see you
they don’t think of you
they don’t they don’t need hear you
they don’t need you
That’s the time to fight your own mind
these lies won’t last forever
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5. |
thoughts
04:22
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Lately all my thoughts revolve around one thing
Easiest way to say it is
To be or not to be
When I fall asleep my dreams are filled with poison out to kill me
Sleeping pills
Sleeping pills
How many would it take
To beat these dreams
At their own game
Crawl into the bath
It’s fun but it won’t last
Hair dryer
Hair dryer
Find a plug
Find a plug
Crawl into the tub
Hair dryer
If I went away
Would it be okay
Would they notice
If I drove off the road
Who would bring my body home
Would they notice
If I drove off the road
Who would bring my body home
Where did the happy thoughts go?
Where’d the happy thoughts go?
Like do the flowers like it when they grow
Like maybe there’s fairy dust on the road
And we kick it up when we drive home
Like there’s somebody looking out for me
And when I fall asleep I just can’t wait to dream
Where’d the happy thoughts go?
Like do the flowers like it when they grow
Like maybe there’s fairy dust on the road
And we kick it up when we drive home
Like there’s somebody looking out for me
And when I fall asleep I just can’t wait to dream
Lately all my thoughts revolve around one thing
Lately all my thoughts revolve around one thing
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6. |
ghosts
04:21
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When I was twelve
My friend said to me
He said there are ghosts living in your house
When he grew up
He married my best friend
He hit her one night, I guess some ghosts got to him
Sometimes at tonight
I’d hear through the walls
I’d hear screaming and yelling,
It was my fault
Please keep us safe
Please keep us safe
There are ghosts in the bedroom
Ghosts in the walls too
When I was eight
My dad said to me
He said he heated to be alone
I think ghosts followed him home
‘Cause sometimes at home
I’d hide in my bed
I’d hear cursing and breaking
The ghosts were in my head
Please keep us safe
Please keep us safe
There are ghosts in the bedroom
Ghosts in the walls too
Every night before I sleep
I’d pray the lord my soul to keep
Keep these ghosts away from em, I don’t wanna be like them
Some nights I’d cry i’d scare and ache
I’d pray the lord my soul to take, take these ghosts out of me
Please keep us safe
Please keep us safe
There are ghosts in the bedroom
Ghosts in the walls too
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7. |
existing
03:17
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I’m here
I take up space
Honestly
I’m floating away
My body
Aches
For my mind
Brain is gone
It’s way up
High
It used to
Not
Be so scary
To inhabit a body
Existing is uncomfortable
Don’t look at me look at the floor
I used to be so happy just to be here
Now I’m just scared and I don’t want to be here anymore
Don’t tell me that you still think about that one time I said that
Don’t tell me that
Existing is uncomfortable
Don’t look at me look at the floor
I’m here
I’m here
I’m here
Floating away
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8. |
create
03:55
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Sometimes my thoughts
Are like a big empty room
I don’t walk into
But I walk right through
Not a chair in sight
To ponder the truth
But the floor’s just fine
And it would do
If my legs would stop moving
Two at a time
I could figure it out
Now times all mine but
I don’t wanna create anymore
I don’t wanna behave anymore
I don’t wanna turn the page anymore
I don’t wanna be ashamed anymore
And I’m so tired
You don’t get it it’s a fear of failure
That keeps me sitting in my room most nights
That keeps me feelin’ alone all the time
Rooms with no mirror are all
I can take can’t stand my reflection not even in a lake
‘Cause sometimes it’s harder than I’d like to admit
To see my own body attached to my head
And sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get it back
That feeling of wonder when
You give all you have but
I don’t wanna create anymore
I don’t wanna behave anymore
I don’t wanna turn the page anymore
I don’t wanna be ashamed anymore
And I’m so tired
You don’t get it it’s a fear of failure
That keeps me sitting in my room most nights
That keeps me feelin’ alone all the time
And I’m so hungry I can’t eat a proper meal till Sunday
and they say it’s a control thing
but I’m out of control
Someday I’ll wake up feeling alive
Someday I’ll say so and I’ll really be fine
But someday’s along time when you’re alive
And you’ve fought this fight
More than just a few times
Sometimes I wake up feeling alright
Sometimes I say so and I actually am fine
But sometimes not all the time and
It’s just a lie
A lie I’ve told more than just a few times
And I’m so tired
You don’t get it it’s a fear of failure
That keeps me sitting in my room most nights
That keeps me feelin’ all alone all the time
And I’m so hungry I can’t eat a proper meal till Sunday
and they say it’s a control thing
and I’m out of control
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9. |
breathe
04:09
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My skin feels like
A burden
My arm is raw and it’s hurtin’ me
My eyes feel closed
When they’re open
My heart feels gone
Not broken
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 out
In 1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 out get out get out
I’m scared to see
My reflection
My flesh looks stretched in all directions
I hear your voice echoing now
Throughout this body
This hollow shell
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 out
In 1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 out get out get out
Where is my body
Where is my body
Where is my body
Where did you take me
Where did my mind go
Please give it back
Where is my body
Where did you take me
Where did my time go
Please give it back
Where is my body
Where did you take me
Where did my life go
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 out
In 1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 out get out get out
Get out get out get out
Get out get out get out
Get out get out get out
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10. |
better.
04:11
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I don’t want you to hurt
I don’t want you to hide
I don’t want you to think
We’d be better if you weren’t alive
I don’t want you to weep
I don’t want your defeat I don’t want you tobe
Unhappy and incomplete
I want you to feel better
I want you to feel better
I want you to get better
I want you to be alright
You (ooh)
You (ooh)
You (ooh)
You told me to leave
You told me to stay
You told me how you
Ended up this way
You said it was me
You said I made it up
You said I didn’t see
You said you could have never done enough
I want you to get better
I want you to do better
I want you to be better
I want you to be alright
You (ooh)
You (ooh)
You (ooh)
You were my whole world
Every wish was for you
You were my whole world
Every prayer was for you
You were my whole world
Every wish was for you
You were my whole world
Every prayer was for you
I don’t want you to leave
I don’t want you to go
I just want you to try
I don’t want you to be all alone
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Gillian Rae Perry Los Angeles, California
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